I was only eleven 
Maybe twelve

Old enough to know it was wrong 
But not enough to fully understand 

Old enough to want so desperately to be “in”
But not enough to know it wasn’t worth it

Every day we walked to school
Every day we sat at together 
Thick as thieves
My first best friend

And then one day they came
They said we could join them 
The cool kids
It seems cliche as fuck now

after a week or so 
she pulled me aside
She said I had to choose
I couldn’t be friends with them 
And be friends with you too 

The next morning I handed you a note.
And we never spoke again.

I made a choice. 
There’s no excuse.
But I still think about it.
Even now, in my thirties 
I still think about you.

I wish I could tell you 
That I’m sorry
I wish I could tell you 
That I got my due
That she hurt me 
as much as I hurt you

I learned that year 
that real friends 
never make you choose. 
-b.e.