Idealized Child


A Mother at Bedtime

Evenings are a rush 
Of time
Of patience
Of love

Brush your teeth, put on your jammies
Settle so I can tuck you in
sudden bursts of energy of children not ready for bed

You want a story, a podcast, music
Mommy needs quiet, peace, sleep

Mommy loves you
But she is tired
Her ears are ringing from the noise of childhood
Her head is throbbing from the chaos
Your joy is overwhelming
Especially at the last minute
How can such a tiny person make so much noise

Finally silence
The rush of sleep falls over you
Your tiny body gives in to weary
A sudden realization of exhaustion

And I will sit here silently
Until you fall asleep
You need me
I need you

I need your chaos
Your laughter
Your joy

One Day

he hated when my belt pushed against him in the womb 
and then one day he was grown

he screamed so loud when he was born he went to the NICU
and then one day he was grown

he refused bottles at daycare because he wanted me to nurse
and then one day he was grown

he learned to walk and rawr
in the same week
and then one day he was grown

he scrapped both knees
called his bandaids stickers
and then one day he was grown

he fell asleep after five minutes in the car but wouldn’t sleep in his crib
and then one day he was grown

he was obsessed with dinosaurs and Paw Patrol
and then one day he was grown

he was so brave on his first day of school while I bawled
and then one day he was grown

he is thirsty for knowledge when it’s something he loves
and then one day he’ll be grown

he is so wild and exhausting and full of life
and then one day he’ll be grown

he still needs me to sit with him at night when he gets scared
and then one day he’ll be grown

he still says he loves me every once in a blue moon
and then one day he’ll be grown.

Where is Home

When you ask me about the house I grew up in,

I’ll ask you which one and where

The perks of a military child.

Seven houses by the time I was 15. All the same in walls and doors

A place to call home at the end of the day

But which one really is home? I’ll never know

For that moment in time they were where my heart resided

But even now when they say “you can always go home”

I can’t

It’s not home anymore not as it once was.

I’ve grown and time has changed me

It’s just a house I used to live in now.


Poems in the Dark

I write my poems in the dark.

Tapping away on the dimmed phone screen.

The tiny computer in my pocket holds my deepest thoughts.

Soft music lulls my children to sleep

While I type away my thoughts

Feelings of the past, moments in the present

A passing phrase or word floats in my mind

Until it finds its way through the keyboard to my notes.

My babies tucked in their beds beside me.

My life, my inspiration, my thoughts all float freely here.

I write my poems in the dark

It’s where I feel the most like me.



Love is a wave.

Rushing at you like water towards the shore.

It’ll wash away stones leaving beautiful memories behind.

Shiny little shells, each with a story to tell.

It’ll crash into you and knock you back a step.

And as it rushes back, it pulls you deeper.

Slowly, little by little, until all at once,

you’re wrapped in waves and carried out to sea.